


only because I love you

by kairism



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23233849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kairism/pseuds/kairism
Summary: the five times taemin tries desperately to get jongin back
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	only because I love you

January 8, 2016   
9:55pm

“You rejected me,” Jongin bit his lip, looking at the floor, and doing anything possible to avoid eye contact with the white haired boy in front of him. Taemin had rushed to his small café 5 minutes before closing time, out of breath and flushed up to his cheeks, proclaiming his love for the brunette as soon as he was in his sight. Jongin honestly couldn’t believe it, but was still grounded, unable to move from behind the counter, even though he wanted to desperately.

“I know, I know, I was wrong, can we just.. try to work things out? Please Jongin? I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll even go to that stupid little noodle shop for breakfast every day with you if it’ll make you feel better,” Taemin tried, seeing Jongin’s eyebrows twitch a little at the mention of it.

“It’s not stupid to me, we always went there when we were kids, see? You don’t get it, some things that I keep in my heart forever mean so little to you, things that put a smile on my face seem idiotic or dumb to you, you’ll never understand how I feel Taemin, let’s just leave it like that,” Jongin mumbled, refusing to admit how his heart crumbled saying every word of the long, dragged out sentence. His hand moved to grab the white cloth, and started wiping the counter, trying to ignore the burning stare he was receiving from the smaller boy.

He let out a breath of relief when he heard the bell ring, signalling the door opening and closing. As Taemin’s back disappeared off to the darkness of night, he realized that he may have just closed a chapter of his life. His chest felt like it was burning, and he could feel a stinging pain in his eyes as tears started to form. This was life, he assured himself, people come and go, but he had only wished that Taemin would be the one to stay.

January 9, 2016  
7:47am

Jongin woke up groggily from a night of little to no sleep. His body felt like it was working on autopilot as he stumbled to his bathroom. Looking into the mirror, he saw a zombie of a man. He almost couldn’t recognize himself. After he had closed up shop the night before, he had decided to swing by a bar for a few drinks, to get his mind off things (Taemin). But he was always a horrible drinker, and as the vodka entered his system, he remembered that he no longer had Taemin to tell him when to stop or drive him home when he fell asleep. 

It was a miracle he even made it home on his own.

The melancholy hit the brunette like a soaring wave, and all the feelings he had tried to suppress crashed down on his shoulders. It’s going to be alright, he assured himself, knowing that it was futile. He looked around, noticing that something seemed to be missing from his home.

Shit, he had left Monggu with Taemin a week prior when he had confessed. After that disaster he couldn’t even look Taemin in the eye anymore. Picking up his poodle didn’t even cross his mind. He would need to do it, but he didn’t want to go to Taemin’s apartment. He pulled his hair in frusturation.

After a quick brush of his teeth and hair, Jongin threw on a long coat and went out the door. His little café was the only thing that could lift his spirits at this point, and he really needed some sustenance. He usually didn’t like sweet foods in the morning, but he accepted his fate was to rest with a chocolate muffin until noon when he could grab a bite to eat.

As he turned the open sign on his café, the door swung open. Jongin looked up, muffin in hand, to see Taemin with a little box in his hands. It was wrapped in a little bear patterned cloth, but it was obviously in a rectangular shape from the way the edges poked out of the fabric. 

Jongin didn’t say it, but he looked stunning, white hair styled in a messy middle parting, wearing an oversized grey sweater. He was nibbling on his lips, fidgeting slightly with the cloth before walking towards him.

“I brought this for you,” Taemin spoke softly, waiting for a reply from the taller.

Jongin was stunned, Taemin had never ever in his whole entire life woken up when Jongin had to open the café. Every time Jongin would beg him to get out of bed and have breakfast with him, he would whine and decline, snuggling deeper into the sheets. Of course, Jongin would never force him out of the warmth of his bed, so he always just went by himself. He never told Taemin it bothered him, because seeing him smile while munching on a blueberry muffin fully awake always made all of Jongin’s frustrations melt away.

“I already have breakfast,” Jongin stuttered, holding up his barely eaten muffin.

Taemin’s face scrunched up a little, and he let out a little sigh. “You don’t like muffins Jongin, just take it, I-I tried really hard,” He forcibly shoved the box in Jongin’s arms and in exchange, stole his muffin. As he walked out the door, Jongin stood still dumbly, holding the box to his chest, still in disbelief. He wasn’t able to stand for long though, as Chanyeol walked through the door.

“You okay?” Chanyeol asked, raising a brow at the lunchbox Jongin was holding.

“Yeah,” Jongin mumbled, gently placing the box behind the counter. 

When lunchtime came, Chanyeol asked if Jongin wanted to join him and a couple friends at a nearby chinese restaurant. 

“It’ll be fun! I heard the food there is delicious!” A black haired girl grinned, tugging slightly at Jongin’s sleeve.

But Jongin shook his head.“I already have lunch, I’ll join you guys next time,” he gave her a soft smile. 

He picked up the little package Taemin had brought this morning and undid the fabric knot. It revealed a small brown bento box with a cute rilakkuma on the cover. Jongin had this inexplicable feeling in his stomach as he opened the box. There was a small mound of rice, looking slightly undercooked, but still edible, and some karage chicken next to it. Underneath, there were some kimchi and tiny spring rolls that looked like they were squished to fit into the box in a perfect group of three. Little carrot pieces were cut into hearts, well they appeared heart shaped at least, with each side slightly different from the other. Jongin’s heart still melted at the sight. He picked up the chopsticks and placed the food into his mouth, savouring every bite of it. He honestly was a sucker for these small gestures. Taemin, of course, never was, and whenever Jongin had asked him to make something for him, he would always answer with a “make it yourself, you’re the better cook anyways.”

He couldn’t believe he was eating something Taemin made himself, albeit a little lacking in the flavour. But he still couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he made a point to finish every last bite.

Of course, he mentally scolded himself for accepting the lunchbox so easily, especially after blowing up at Taemin just yesterday, and essentially telling him to get out of his life. But the action was just so uncharacteristic of him, Jongin couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

January 10, 2016  
8:23am

Jongin woke up, having slept a bit better than yesterday. Sunday was the one day he took time for himself, away from the café. He honestly didn’t know what to do now, that he didn’t have to go take care of Taemin. The bento box he had received yesterday was still sitting on the countertop, washed and perfectly assembled. 

It wasn’t until the doorbell rang that Jongin sprung to his feet and finally got out of the burrito he had made of himself in bed. He sleepily put on his glasses and opened the door to come face to face with Taemin, holding a brown fluff ball.

“You left Monggu at my house, a-and I left my sweater at yours, can I go grab it?” Taemin asked nervously. Monggu happily wagged his tail, seeing his owner for the first time in a week.

“Yeah, go for it,” Jongin nodded awkwardly, watching as Taemin practically made a beeline to his room, after placing Monggu in Jongin’s arms.

Jongin sighed, holding Monggu in his arms, petting his small head. Dogs really did calm people down, but the fact that Taemin was in his house still caused his heart to beat uncontrollably fast. He couldn’t help it, his mind still wandered to the white haired male. Are they really over? Their friendship, their bond, is it really broken? Jongin wondered if Taemin still wanted to be friends, giving the bento as a peace treaty between them, but whenever they fought, Taemin was never the one to apologize. 

He had really changed within a week, and Jongin had no idea why.

“I got it,” Taemin waved a black sweater while appearing slightly disheveled. The smaller’s eyes shook when they made eye contact, and Jongin felt his own breath hitch. 

“I-I’ll see you soon,” Taemin swallowed thickly, rushing out the door.

Jongin looked towards the counter, and only then did he realize he forgot to return the bento box to Taemin. Deep inside, he was slightly glad it gave him a reason to see him again, but he knew it was for the better if he didn’t. He didn’t know what he would do if Taemin came barging into his café like that again. He couldn’t fight his own feelings a second time, no matter how much he knew that Taemin and him were unfit for each other in more ways than one. 

Jongin liked sweet nothings, he was a hopeless romantic who loved ferris wheels, bentos, love letters, and cute plushies you’d win at the claw machine. Taemin had often snickered and told him he was stupid for liking them, but he never stopped. A little part of him always wished Taemin would try to accept those cavity inducing things Jongin adored with all his heart, but at the time he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

But time sometimes changes people.

As he walked into his room, his eyes widened. All around the room, layed scattered sticky notes, each one containing a different message, each with different colours, and each with a small doodle on the corner. He couldn’t believe his eyes as he picked up the one on his pillow.

“That one time we bought cotton candy at lotte world, I don’t like that pure sugary stuff but seeing you eat it made me smile harder than I ever had before”

Jongin almost felt tears in his eyes. He remembered that night a lot differently than what this note had implied. He thought Taemin was bored out of his mind. He couldn’t imagine Taemin actually enjoying his company on that night, he was constantly whining about how they could be playing video games or doing something fun instead of waiting in line for cotton candy.

Jongin had dragged him outside, and Taemin was grumpy the whole time.

He read another note on his cabinet

“I never told you this, but when you left one morning to open the café, I tried to make noodle soup for you. I failed miserably, and I was scared of burning the house down ever since. Sorry baby, I really really can’t cook”

Jongin did remember having to clean up a blackened pot at one point, but when he asked Taemin, he had said he tried to make pasta for himself because he was hungry. Jongin laughed it off at the moment, as just another one of his weird gimmicks. He hadn’t realized Taemin had actually tried making him food.

Monggu looked up at his owner with curious eyes, and Jongin sighed, going around reading all the notes before collecting them all in a small, heart shaped box. The more he read, the more hopelessly in love he was falling. He told himself to not give in, but Taemin was making this impossibly difficult.

January 11, 2016  
9:27am

“Can I have a café latte please?” A young girl smiled pleasantly, to which Jongin responded to.

“Coming right up! Anything else I can get you?” Jongin tapped the monitor in front of him, just as a familiar figure was walking into the café.

“Your number?” The girl winked cheekily. Jongin blushed, scratching his head, not yet noticing Taemin’s presence in the room. 

“Excuse me, this is a café, not a host club, go find company somewhere else,” Taemin scowled, nearly shoving the girl aside as he stared Jongin dead in the eyes.

“What are you even talking about?” The girl defended, receiving an apologetic smile from Jongin.

“I’m sorry miss, I’ll get you a honey walnut muffin, my treat, okay?” Jongin tried, getting a nod from the obviously ticked off girl. 

“And your number,” the girl persisted.

“And my-”

“And nothing, you are not getting his number because he is very, very, taken,” Taemin stated crossly.

The girl shot him one final dirty look and turned to sit down on the furthest table away from them.

“Taemin, what was that for?” Jongin frowned, shoving down his feelings of slight happiness from the scene that unfolded in front of him.

“She can’t go after you,” Taemin grumbled, taking out his credit card.

“Why not? I’m surely not taken,” Jongin stated.

“You are, as long as you still keep those notes in your pocket then I’ll treat you as mine,” Taemin says pointedly, making Jongin flush and notice that the corner of a pink sticky note was coming out of his apron pocket.

“I don’t need these,” Jongin huffed, scrunching it up into a ball and throwing it into the recycling bin beside him.

Taemin’s expression wavered as he watched Jongin’s actions unfold. And Jongin couldn’t help but feel guilty not even 2 seconds later. Seriously, the things Taemin does to him.

“Okay,” was all Taemin said before putting his card away and walking out of the café.

Jongin immediately kneeled down and frantically searched the messy recycling bin until a little pink ball appeared. He breathed a sigh of relief and unfolded it, trying to flatten out the piece of paper.

“ You're going to fall for me so hard, you won't know what hit you, be prepared nini <3"

January 13, 2016  
2:32pm

Taemin hadn’t appeared all day yesterday, and Jongin was spacing out a lot. Was he hurt? Did something happen? His head ran a million different scenarios as he leaned his weight on the counter.

Suddenly, he noticed something catch his eye. It was Taemin, but he was talking to a girl just outside the café. He had a sweet smile on his lips, and his eyes were twinkling with excitement. Jongin couldn’t help but feel his insides churn a little, trying to read their lips without seeming too obvious. The more Taemin laughed and smiled, the more envious Jongin became of the girl. Those smiles used to be directed at him, in the occasions that Taemin had thought of some bad idea that Jongin still decided to follow through with.

Like the one time Taemin wanted to make a pizza, but tried to microwave it on a plastic cutting board. Needless to say, it was a mess to clean up, but both of them had the largest, stupidest grin on their faces as they realized their mistake. Jongin caught his lips curving upwards while staring at Taemin, and he realized that it really was going to kill him if he never sees that smile ever again.

About 5 minutes later, Taemin walks into the café, practically glowing. Jongin pretended not to notice his excitement and mumbled a quiet “what would you like to order?”

“Actually, can I borrow your hot chocolate machine please?” Taemin asked, taking a glance back at the girl. Jongin’s eyes swirled with jealousy but he still begrudgingly nodded. He couldn’t say no.

Taemin walked up confidently, drizzling syrup into the bottom of the cup and pouring in the steaming milk. Jongin couldn’t really make out what he was doing, but he did see the whipped cream being taken. He noticed the girl outside had disappeared, and he wondered if she went off to wait for him somewhere. Some man he was, writing cheesy notes to him one day, then meeting with a girl the next. Jongin was afraid to get his hopes up.

When Taemin was done, he carefully walked up to him.

“Here, this is for you, mr. barista,” Taemin smiled, handing him the cup in a saucer. Jongin stared at the cup, where a heart was drawn on with whipped cream, messily, but absolutely adorably. He could see Taemin had tried to write their names on top of the cream, but he didn’t have much experience with controlling the chocolate syrup, so it kind of merged into one big blob. Jongin still felt a smile come to his face when he looked at the cute drink, and he took a sip of it. 

He cringed, there was an overwhelming amount of sugar in it, but he would never let it show on his face. Taemin had the most hopeful expression on his face, and that was enough to make it all worth it.

“It’s delicious, thank you,” Jongin licked his lips, tasting the light whipped cream. The action caused Taemin to stiffen slightly, but nonetheless return a smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” He muttered, placing a hand on Jongin’s arm and gently pecking his cheek. Jongin couldn’t do anything with the cup in his hand, he could only stare in shock as the white haired boy ran out of the café.

He placed the saucer down on the countertop, and placed a hand to his cheek. He couldn’t help but let out a dramatic sigh like a schoolgirl and drink from the overly sweetened hot chocolate, all these things Taemin was doing for him are going to kill him.

He honestly didn’t know how this all started, was it his confession? Was it that night he told Taemin off, and told him he didn’t understand him at all? Jongin didn’t know, but a part of him wanted to see if he and Taemin could have a chance at a future together. He just didn’t know if he was doing all this out of romance or out of remorse.

His eyes wandered to the window where the first snowflakes were drifting in the sky. 

He wondered if Taemin was looking at them too, with those sparkling eyes of his. 

January 14, 2016  
12:00am

A loud banging was heard at Jongin’s front door, and he scrambled out of bed in a panic. Monggu barked at the noise, and Jongin cautiously opened the door to reveal Taemin, in nothing but a thin shirt and sweatpants, holding a small cupcake in his palms.

“Taemin? Oh my god, come in! It’s freezing outside!” Jongin unconsciously reached for the boy worriedly, flinching at how cold his skin was to touch.

“No! I need to sing happy birthday in the snow! It’s more romantic that way!” Taemin whined, sniffling a bit. Jongin looked at him in realization, he had been standing outside waiting for the time to turn to 12 am to wish him happy birthday. Lee Taemin, who would rather be boiled alive than even relatively cold, stayed outside in the snow to wish him happy birthday at exactly 12 am, wearing not even a jacket. His ears were red from the biting cold, and his lips were chapped from the dry air. 

Jongin felt his heart tremble with overwhelming guilt, pain and absolute adoration.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to y-achoo! Sorry it’s a bit chilly,” Taemin stammered, obviously nervous, and worried out of his mind. “Happy birthday Jonginnie, happy birthday to you!” Taemin had the most dazzling grin as he held out the little cupcake in his hands. The icing was a bit lopsided, and there was no candle, but Jongin felt like he was the luckiest guy in the world.

He took the cupcake and grabbed Taemin, pulling him inside to the warmth of his townhouse. 

“Don’t ever do that again do you hear me?” Jongin threatened, sitting him on his couch and wrapping a fur blanket around him. 

Taemin sniffled a bit, body hot from the sudden change of temperature. The fur blanket he recognised, was the one he had given to Jongin as a get well coon present when he had hurt his leg the year prior. Jongin had always complained that it was way too thick and that Taemin should've got him something more practical, but when Taemin came to visit late at night, Jongin was curled up with it on the couch. The boy was even sweating a little, but when Taemin tried to take it out of his hands, he refused to let go. Taemin felt his heart churn.

“Jongin, listen to me for a second,” Taemin whispered, almost brokenly. This caused Jongin to cease all motion and sit down beside him immediately.

"Do you not feel well? Is it a cold?" Jongin asked worriedly, placing a hand on Taemin's forehead. The latter shook his head and took his hand in his. 

Taemin took a deep breath.

“I’m not a good cook. It took me 29 tries to make that bento. I couldn’t even make a real cake so I learned how to make a cupcake from a friend. I forgot to even buy a freaking candle because I was so caught up in my mess of a kitchen. I couldn’t even brew hot chocolate, she had to teach me that too, I tried really really hard to make it decent but it still didn’t end up tasting good,” Taemin admitted, voice cracking at the end of the sentence.

He tried to continue.

“I’m not good at making scrapbooks or taking pictures, but I always remember what we did together, and- I’m not good at realizing my own feelings but you made me realize them. I-I basically I need you Jongin, I love you, I tried to do what you do for me on a daily basis this past week and I realized how much I took for granted. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, that night-” Taemin cut himself off with a sob, causing Jongin to envelop him into a tight hug, letting the smaller cry into his chest.

Jongin never heard Taemin this serious and down to earth before. He would always hide behind a playful exterior and never shed tears. Jongin’s heart broke with each tearful whimper Taemin let out as Jongin stroked his hair.

But he admitted to himself, that this whole week felt like a dream. He hadn't realized how hard Taemin was trying for him, for them. The effort the smaller put into everything he made for him caused Jongin's stomach to erupt into butterflies. 

“It’s alright Taemin, everything is fine, okay? Do-”

“It’s not fine! That night when you were piss drunk at the bar! You told me I didn’t know what it was like loving someone like me, I didn’t understand how tiring it was, how laborious it was- but then you smiled, that stupid cheesy and absolutely fucking adorable smile you always do, and said it was all worth it because I'm me and you’ll always love me,” Taemin hiccuped, kissing Jongin’s neck as a means of consolation. 

Jongin was stunned. He didn’t remember any of that, but it all made sense. Taemin took him home, of course his drunk self couldn’t drive, but his car magically appeared in his garage. Taemin must’ve driven him and called an uber to take him back to his own car. 

His sober self could never say those biting words to Taemin, no matter how annoyed he was. Because his love for him was greater than any amount of frustration and anger he could ever build against him.

But the latter part, he could say. 

“I’ll always love you,” Jongin repeated, causing Taemin to look up with teary eyes.

“Please don’t leave me… I can’t stand a world without you in it, I’ll make a thousand bentos, a million hot chocolates, until I get them all right, I-”

“No Taemin, I was wrong,” Jongin smiled gently, using his thumb to wipe away the other’s tears.

“I was so focused on how I express love that I failed to see you had your own way of showing it as well. I know how much you hate public gatherings and you wouldn’t even agree to go with Chanyeol and Ravi, but you still came with me,” Jongin whispered, rubbing Taemin’s trembling back.

“Although you complain, you’ve never declined me of anything I really wanted, you always went along with my ideas, and tried to do a lot of things outside your comfort zone,” Jongin continued. “We all have our different ways of loving another person, and if you changed the way you do to accommodate me, you won’t be the same Lee Taemin I fell in love with in the first place.”

“I love the way your nose scrunches up when you whine about not getting out of bed in the morning, I love the way you follow me around, holding my arm like a lost puppy in areas full of people. I love the way you tried so hard to make me see how much I meant to you, even if I took it the wrong way for too long,” Jongin mumbled, placing a soft kiss on Taemin’s hair.

“Jongin…” Taemin keened, wrapping his arms around the taller’s back, hands still numb from the cold.

“That day… when I- when I told you to leave me alone after you confessed,” Taemin swallowed thickly.

Jongin nodded comfortingly, stroking his damp hair.

“I was scared, scared that things would change if we became a couple, scared that we might fight over the most trivial things, scared that one wrong move could ruin everything,” Taemin sniffed.

“But I realized that we were basically a couple already!” Taemin broke into a small grin, rubbing his nose against the other’s jawline.

“A label isn’t going to change what we have, and realizing I love you in that way, well, it explains a lot of things I went through as a teen,” Taemin blushed, thinking back to all the times he saw Jongin sweaty, in a tank top and ripped jeans. He had to peel his eyes off him.

“I love you,” Jongin repeated tenderly, leaning closer to the white haired boy’s lips, as if waiting for him to complete the action.

Taemin happily complied, placing his lips on Jongin’s, eyes widening at how good it actually feels to finally kiss the person you’ve been unconsciously in love with for all your life. Their lips molded with each other, forming the most beautiful lip-lock. Jongin’s mouth was smoldering hot to Taemin, whose lips were cold and chapped from the winter wind. Now his body felt like it was on fire. He tasted a faint trace of chocolate on Jongin’s tongue and the sweetness washed over his mind.

Taemin felt his breath drift away as Jongin pressed him against the couch, tongue invading his mouth like it always belonged there, exploring every inch of his hot cavern.

Taemin hummed contently, running his fingers through Jongin’s soft, brown locks and nibbling at his lips.

When they parted, both were out of breath and panting for air. 

“Although, Taeminnie, you should make some bentos once in a while, I loved it,” Jongin grinned, resulting in a quick slap from the other. 

"Fine, once in a while, but only because I love you," Taemin mumbled, snuggling closer to Jongin's chest. 

"Only because you love me,"

**Author's Note:**

> uwu I love fluff once in a while


End file.
